Get it? Actually, I'm going to catch up on how I'm doing as well. But first, let's check up on this nearly 13 MONTH OLD BABE.
Nina is not crazy about fruit. But she LOVES apples. I think what turns her off from a lot of fruit, like bananas and thawed frozen berries (the fresh ones will be coming soon), is that they are all mushy and this girl likes her fruit crisp. She will just go to town on an apple. She doesn't eat much of it, mostly just gnaws on it and then spits chunks out. But she loves it.
Nina is crawling and butt scooting like a champ but alas, no walking. During her 12-month wellness visit, her pediatrician voiced some mild concern about the fact that Nina is not standing on her own yet. He suggested we get in touch with Childlink, Philly's early intervention service. I've been in touch but, as it goes with city bureaucracies, I've yet to hear from one of their team members about setting up a home visit to see if Nina is truly motor delayed or just on her own timetable. I have a feeling she will be walking by the time we hear from someone.
I was a little worried on the day of her wellness visit but my anxieties have since been assuaged because Nina will stand with some support and shows more interest in trying to stand on her own everyday. Furthermore, I don't want to ascribe too much about Nina's personality based on little quirks given how very young she is but she does seem to err on the side of being a late bloomer. She didn't want to turn from breech to vertex when babies are "supposed to." She didn't really seem interested in being born either. And, well, her parents are reticent late bloomer types, so maybe its genetic.
Her fine motor skills are totally on point: she feeds herself, picks up books and turns the pages, handles her toys with panache and she's super social and babbling up a storm. She says mama, dada, gaga, gee gee (for Benji) and she's super bright and alert. She'll stand and walks when she wants.
But if you're reading this and have ever experienced or suspected a developmental delay in your child, I'd love to hear how you handled everything.
On my end, I've got to say, I've been better. Nina's molars are coming in, so nights have been rough again. Even on nights when she's not in pain, she still wants to get up once in the night to nurse. I am finding it brutal to be deeply asleep for an hour or two only to be awoken by her cries. I don't think I'll ever get used to it.
Additionally, I've shared my experience with postpartum mood disturbance and can definitely say I'm still contending with, I don't know, something. I did not click with the therapist I first visited with last September so I started seeing a new one just a few weeks ago. I've only seen her once but so far, the chemistry between us seems better and I was very explicit about what was unhelpful about my last therapist.
What's also tough is that I am finding staying at home on the days I don't work boring (and the days at work stressful). I, of course, have to addend that with I LOVE ADORE CHERISH AM BESOTTED with Nina. I have moments of pure joy with her, she is the funniest person I know right now and I feel grateful I get to spend so much time with her. But I've a feeling we're both outgrowing spending so much time together at home, just the two of us.
It's partially due to this brutal winter that keeps us chained to the house instead of traipsing to the park and sitting in the sun. Nina also is well beyond the nurse/sleep/nurse/sleep routine and requires a lot of attention, which is very mentally taxing. Like, oh, okay, let's pull out all the DVDs for the umpteenth time. I totally feel like cleaning that up again. And, yes, please scream bloody murder because I need to change your soiled diaper. Part of me gets it. This is what one year olds do. Another part of me is like, seriously, Nina? You're going to scream and stomp your foot into your own feces just because you're on the changing table? That's not very reasonable.
She is not reasonable. She cannot be.
So, I become unreasonable. I can, however, be reasonable. And it's frustrating to slip into unreason so quickly these days.
We're visiting a local day are next week that we're hoping Nina will be able to attend at some point this summer. This is a win-win because she will get to have fun with other kids and get the influence of other adults and I'll get some much needed alone time and we'll save on our babysitting bills. Here's hoping.
I've also weaned from pumping. This isn't altogether newsworthy but I had some trouble finding online resources for breastfeeding mothers of toddlers who work. The assumption is either you won't be breastfeeding a one-year-old, or, if you do, you are a stay-at-home mother who never pumped to begin with. After weeding through what little I could find online and talking to our pediatrician, here's how I weaned from the pump once Nina turned one:
1) I stopped pumping.
2) Nina gets water, soy milk (full fat and unsweetened, yo), yogurt and lots of food when I'm not home and this totally satisfies her.
3) I breastfeed when I'm around as per usual.
4) The end.
So, now you know.
Do yourself a favor. If you want to weep and feel inspired by a father who gave up his love of music for the love of his family and then hear how his muse became reawakened through parenting, not despite it, please listen to "The Provider's Guide to Quitting" at The Longest Shortest Time. Brian just texted that he felt like weeping listening to this episode and he's not a cryer or a podcast listener.
Here's to feeling inspired and being more of who we really are because we love our kids.